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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28377831">no body, no crime</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penny_Vain/pseuds/Penny_Vain'>Penny_Vain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>no body, no crime [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Best Song Ever - One Direction (Music Video), One Direction (Band), Style - Taylor Swift (Song), Taylor Swift (Musician), evermore - Taylor Swift (Album)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adventure &amp; Romance, Album: 1989 (Taylor Swift), Album: Red (Taylor Swift), Album: folklore (Taylor Swift), BDSM Switch Harry Styles, Communication Failure, Crimes &amp; Criminals, F/M, Inspired by Taylor Swift, Lack of Communication, Pining, Slow Burn, Song: From the Dining Table (Harry Styles), Song: Two Ghosts (Harry Styles), Song: You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:27:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,395</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28377831</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penny_Vain/pseuds/Penny_Vain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I think Taylor Swift and Harry Styles killed someone. </p><p>Taylor is about to tell Ed Sheeran what happened in the Virgin Islands. Before we see Harry try to stop her and save his reputation, we have a look back at their relationship from the beginning.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Taylor Swift</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>no body, no crime [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2078400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[ part one: style ]</p><p>VMAs August 2013</p><p>- Taylor's POV  -</p><p>'The Summer song of the year is... Best Song Ever By One Direction!'</p><p>I can't turn around now, it'll look like I care too much. 'The cameras better not be on me in a minute', 'I wouldn't be hopeful of that,' Selena said smiling back at me.</p><p>There's no one else I could've felt more confident next to tonight. We squeezed each other's hands as the boys came running down the stairs looking younger than when I first met them in a studio last November.</p><p>Somehow me and Selena have mirrored each other's relationships for the second time. The first time, she was dating Nick Jonas and I was with Joe. That was the first time we both realised dating other musicians wouldn't necessarily be easy despite all we had in common. I stand by the fact that she's the best thing I got out of that situation, besides some good songs too.</p><p>Anyway, the second time was happening now. My relationship and break up with Harry has been similar to her and Justin's. I mean, clearly less of a big deal but the same nosy, everyone making assumptions bullshit. We build up each other's confidence but we still feel totally out of our depth.</p><p>I really couldn't have been further centre if they tried. The One Direction fans were circling the podium and reaching up towards them. They would've camped overnight for these spots. And I get it, they're charming, but getting to know Harry, I don't know, you just start to realise he's as imperfect as anyone else.</p><p>'And the best fans are in New York.'</p><p>That statement doesn't really work on an award show, Zayn. 'Shut the fuck up,' I said taking my arm away from Selena. They clearly couldn't see how big a deal this was which was making my blood boil.</p><p>Selena reached back for my hand to calm me and from her slight head tilt upward I knew we were on the screen, not that the cameras facing me hadn't told me that already. I was going to hell anyway, Harry may as well be sure of how I felt about him.</p><p> </p><p>- Harry's POV -</p><p>Today 9.33 pm</p><p>I'm going to be at the same party as you and Ed tonight. I know we haven't spoken since everything but we could if you want to x Harry</p><p> </p><p>I know she isn't going to talk to me but the warning seems necessary after that spectacle by her. It looked like a setup, having her front and centre telling us to fuck off. I get she's feeling upset though. Hopefully, this is all less embarrassed in an hour when I'm answering questions about it. I sink into the limits of my chair and envy Niall and Louis' giddiness over our win. God, the questions won't be ending any time soon so I better strap in.</p><p>And she's just won best female video. You couldn't script content as good as this! Pharrell Williams is handing her the award, what a legend. Seeing the inside of my Spotify playlists in this room, in my life now, really never gets old.</p><p>Okay, brain get it together and relax. Look ahead and clap and think about tonight, we'll get a tequila sunrise, see the boys off to Jay-Zs thing, I could meet up with...</p><p>'...I also want to thank the person who inspired this song who knows exactly who he is because now I've got one of these!'</p><p>Okay breathe, don't look at the fucking monitor. Shut the fuck up Niall and Louis, dammit why am I on the aisle too. I can feel people from all sides looking at me.</p><p> </p><p>Today 10.03 pm</p><p>Let's avoid talking if we can, people don't need to make more assumptions. T.</p><p>Today 10.04 pm</p><p>You're right.</p><p>Everyone has a clear enough image from the way you've acted in the last hour</p><p>Today 10.21 pm</p><p>I'm telling Ed about the virgin islands tonight.</p><p>Today 10.23 pm</p><p>??</p><p>Call me</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. part two: i knew you were trouble</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>March 2012 </p><p>- Taylor's POV -</p><p>'Remind me to never tell you who I like again!' I said nudging Ed as he sat in front of the sound system.</p><p>I cringed imagining the scenario where he'd told Harry Styles I thought he looked cute at the Kids Choice Awards. I didn't get a chance to speak to him that night but Selena and I were dancing like high schoolers when they were performing. We loved their British cuteness as much as anyone else. Selena joked about them being the only band members we would break our pact for (we promised to never date musicians again after the disaster that was dating the Jonas Brothers).</p><p>'It was nothing embarrassing, he looked bloody infatuated with the idea of meeting you. He kept saying you're a great songwriter too. Wouldn't let it go, to be honest.' Ed didn't seem phased by the whole thing and turned back to keep working.</p><p>'Well, I can't let go of how great this song is looking.' We'd been giving each other advice on our current songs at Electric Lady Studios. We hadn't left all day, even eating lunch on the 60s velvet couch here. It could've been 3 pm or 10 pm at this point, I really didn't know.</p><p>All month here I've imagined I'm Patti Smith writing Horses or David Bowie duetting John Lennon on the adjacent pianos. Writing in New York gives me this powerful feeling that I could be or meet anyone. That I'm an artist and recognised as a good writer.</p><p>'Unreal! Harry's making his way up here now.' My pulse was in my eye balls. 'That was fast.'</p><p>I patted the concealer that had creased under my eyes. 'You should show him the last track,' Ed said pretending to ignore the alarm on my face. Bless him.</p><p>Ed answered the knock at the door hugged Harry as they said their hellos. They were both so hushed in their excitement to see each other.  I almost felt like I was intruding on something I shouldn't have seen.</p><p>'And here's Taylor,' Ed said gesturing towards me. When he looked up at me all innocent I realised that was my cue to talk. 'Hey, how are you?' I said leaning in to kiss his cheek casually. He touched my waist lightly as I did.</p><p>'Hey, it's so nice to meet you,' he said softly as my face met his warm cheek. He ruffled his hair as I pulled away and I felt desperate to think of something before Ed said, 'let's show him All Too Well then we can put that one away today'.</p><p>'Yeah let's do it' I said setting up my guitar. 'Were you doing a lot of promo today,' 'always these days. It's been good though, everyone trying to give us an experience of New York.' 'I love that, there's really no other place for an artist,' I replied.</p><p>He took off his coat, suddenly looking less polished in his white tee. He looked like a 1950s film star like Brando or something, but more the teen version I guess. He was so comfortable, and I felt him watch me tune my guitar with curiosity.</p><p>I walked through the door with you, the air was cold</p><p>But something 'bout it felt like home somehow</p><p>And I left my scarf there at your sister's house</p><p>And you've still got it in your drawer even now</p><p>'That was a good one,' Ed commented after we were done, 'the perfect one to end it on I reckon.'</p><p>'Yeah I really loved it,' God his accent was beautiful, almost like a brawl. I wanted to know how he made every word sound uniquely his.</p><p>'The carrying metaphor of the scarf was lovely... it just made me think about the physical things you keep from a relationship and how you repurpose them as your own. Been thinking about that a bit lately, like clothes and films and that.'</p><p>'Yeah exactly, I don't know I do like symbols. Like a scarf is such a classic thing to leave behind. And I think he liked the way it made me seem all school girl preppy and how he tied that in with my identity. And how I do too.'</p><p>'Yeah, style says so much about a person, it's such a fun thing to identify with and change,' 'coming from a Styles I would expect no less.' I said surprised at my confidence, 'not to be the biggest cliche but your name's too iconic'. 'Coming from you, Ms. Swift, I'll take it as a compliment'.</p><p>Ed's phone began to ring, 'I'll just be a sec,' he said signaling to the door he was heading for.</p><p>'So while Ed's out, and so I won't be embarrassed later, would you want to do something with just us tonight? It's the only time off I have while I'm here but -'</p><p>'I loved to,' shit, I messed that up. And I didn't let him finish, but oh my God, yes. 'Okay mad, what do you think, dinner?' It's funny with famous people, how quickly they'll ask you out. I can only judge it's different in real life from my brief experience at high school. But with limited free time in common you really need to plan ahead and take opportunities as they come.</p><p>'Too public,' I admitted. 'I mean I should really run things past my mum and my team as well.' 'Me too really, but whatever you want I'll make it happen.' God, he was gorgeous. That charm really caught me off guard. In the briefness of that moment, I saw no fault in the perfection of his face and felt his innocence radiating. But with that came distrust, maybe only in myself, but I had the sudden urge to remind myself that you can't assume everyone is who they seem.</p><p>He noticed me pause, 'even if we get take out here, I could set it up pretty nice,' 'I'm dying to leave this room, I'm not going to lie it's been a long day, how about come back to mine for drinks and dinner with the kitty?' 'Okay, yeah, let's do it, with some music of course.' He wheeled his chair a bit closer to me.</p><p>Part of me wanted to pull his white shirt over his head straddle him there and then. I had to remind myself to control that feeling back at the apartment, we were both too prominent at the moment for any confusion.</p><p>While Ed was still outside, Harry played with my rings and we spoke about food, stage stamina, spirituality...</p><p>'Okay my managers getting the car to take the back exit here and then the other entrance at the apartment,' 'you know it'll be chaos if the fans find out,' 'well we better be stealthy, and when you leave too... promise?' 'Promise.'</p><p>I cleared my things and Harry was as keen to leave as I was. He went for my hand like it was the most natural thing in the world. We passed Ed in the hallway, mouthing goodbyes. 'Hey, what the heck? Behave you too! Harry, I'll see you tomorrow.'</p><p>He smiled and waved back before putting his arm over my shoulder.</p><p>We made it safely to the back of the car, 'could you put the music on Maria?' I called out from the backseat. 'I'm sorry the stereo hasn't been working in this one today Ms. Taylor.' 'That's okay I've been listening to music all day,' I replied, although I'll admit it felt wrong not now it was finally silent. Maria closed the barrier between the front and backseat to further hide our identity on the drive.</p><p>There was a middle seat between Harry and I, and I felt every inch of that space. I looked over at him and I didn't know what to say.</p><p>He filled the silence as he seemed to always know how to do. 'Want to listen? I've been going through Beatles tracks this week and I'm up to Revolver.' My cynical mind thought it was a bit cliched. He pulled out the left earphone for me to share and the moment felt so intimate and I felt special, which I'll admit is ridiculous, that he would want to share it with me.</p><p>He moved closer to my side and we discussed the album's production and who our favourite Beatle was. We sat in traffic for half an hour and planned our meal and what vinyl we'd listen to, craving that extra space.</p><p>God, we'd really fast-tracked this. We both must've been aware of this. But in 10 hours we'd both be tired and onto our next thing. We were in fast forward but this was more than a performance.</p><p>He stroked a paper cut on my hand with his index finger and slowly followed it up and down my arm as we kept talking. I could hardly help from shivering at the electricity I felt across my body.</p><p>In that 45 minute drive, I felt more space and intimacy than I'd maybe ever felt with someone. We spoke about family and ambition, and we decided I was simply the introverted, he was the extroverted version of me. With that extroversion I could see an openness that would challenge me to love him differently. God, what am I thinking, about love already?</p><p>'Taylor, like genuinely, this has already been so cool and we're still in the car,' 'yeah I know, how crazy.'</p><p>'I already want to see you when I'm back in December, fuck, I wish I was staying,' 'I wish you were too.' 'I promise I'm not going to mess with your head. I'd love to message you when we can before then,' he said looking genuinely shy now. 'I'd love that.'</p><p>I wish we could've held onto that moment for a few more days at least before he left but this would be the moment we would hold onto.</p><p>His whole hand was over my arm now and he looked into my eyes, debating whether I would kiss him back. I felt hesitant but hoping he would.</p><p>He drew the curls out of his face before placing his hand behind my neck, pulling away my own hair.</p><p>Harry Styles was kissing me. It felt so good, I questioned ever dating people where it didn't feel this right.</p><p>We kept kissing until we got to mine and I wanted him to touch me everywhere but I also wanted to save those first moments for when I knew I could soon have him again.</p><p>It was so invigorating. I felt full of happiness, but the next moment at loss for what we couldn't keep beyond tonight. Then suddenly I felt so sad, this guy could really break my heart. I tried not to think about our two options and just enjoy it (those being heartbreak or be together forever). But I knew this wasn't just a short, nice fling.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. part three: how you get the girl</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Today 19.13 pm</p><p>Are you starting soon? And yeah now you're making me miss tour.</p><p>It broke my heart when I stopped seeing everyone everyday! So you'll miss it one day, I swear.</p><p>And having two bands around would be extra fun :)</p><p>Today 19.15 pm</p><p>Yeah, the Aussies are about to go on. It's been nice but there's also so many more problems, we're brothers or workmates, not friends, if you get me.</p><p>Wouldn't mind being in your position!</p><p>Today 19.16 pm</p><p>Brothers sounds pretty good to me :) but I get you, there's something to be said about friends for different things.</p><p>Wanna call after the show?</p><p>Today 19.19 pm</p><p>IDK it's been a long day I guess haha. Kinda feel like I need some time alone, anyway!</p><p>Not tonight gorg, but we should tomorrow. missing you</p><p>Today 19.20 pm</p><p>Miss you, have fun! xx</p><p> </p><p>- Taylor's POV -</p><p>It really shouldn't hurt when a guy (that isn't your boyfriend) can't call you, Taylor.</p><p>I repeated I'm not feeling jealous in my mind like a mantra.</p><p>We've been texting on and off after the night Harry was in New York. About music, finding balance amongst insane scheduling and how we're feeling about the people around us.</p><p>We've fallen asleep on the phone together building an almost dream world that contains a new vision for each of our sounds, aesthetics, performances collaborations... He's the closest person in my life that matches my ambitious direction. We both just want to be free to be creative and become a million different performers in our lives.</p><p>I can see where we're both going so clearly when we have these talks. I'm hoping any result could feel as good as this does. </p><p>Harry ended up staying at my apartment until 5 am, that time after the studio. The sunrise was a rude awakening to how unprepared we were for another day of work. It was strange but neither of us thought about that until I had to call him a car.</p><p>I love having people at my place. I put on all the low light fixtures: the candles, lamps, fairy lights. And Harry was already cross-legged on the couch with a pillow on his lap; attempting to entice Meredith Gray into sitting with him.</p><p>I poured us Pinot noir into two large glasses. These iridescent ones were my favourite. They disguised the fact they contained the whole bottle of wine between them and they reflected different coloured light as they rotated.</p><p>Meredith Gray had trailed behind me. 'Do you mind holding these?' I said handing Harry the glasses. 'Now how do I get her to like me?' He asked smiling at me.</p><p>I held Meredith and scratched under her collar, which made her purr loudly. 'She's a big lover once the excitement in the room settles down. All she really loves is gentle scratches around her face and ears and under her collar and you're set.'</p><p>I placed her on the pillow on Harry's lap and I laughed as he looked happy but overwhelmed with the two glasses still in his hand. I took mine from him and sat a seat away, watching them bond. Which I'll admit was further away than I wanted to be from him, especially after the car ride.</p><p>'You know, me and my friends have this idea that the worst men hate cats,' 'well I'm happy to not be within that category! Yeah, I don't know where the whole cats are bad, dogs are good mentality comes from'.</p><p>'I think it's pretty misogynistic. Cats have always been associated with the feminine. Plus they pretty much embody boundaries...'</p><p>Harry's eyes lit up, 'yeah exactly, like cats really let humans know that they're not just here for them. A dogs loyalty is beautiful though, don't get me wrong'.</p><p>'I agree, dogs are so stunning. But yeah, men that hate cats are more likely to objectify women. They expect things and people to serve them and be controlled...' Wow, I hope I'm not sounding like a textbook. For some reason, I always feel like I have to flex my knowledge and expectations in front of guys. The fact he isn't blatantly agreeing and moving on is cool though.</p><p>'Wow yeah, I get what you mean. Jesus, Taylor, I haven't had educated conversation in too long.' He smiled back. 'Haha yeah, not to ambush you with thoughts on gender-,' 'no I'm always down to talk gender and sexuality.. I miss having girl mates around, like to boost the emotional intelligence in the room... but don't get me wrong, I love the guys, it's just different,' he said looking lost in further thought. I'm surprised he'd mentioned those thoughts on the band too when everything had seemed perfect to me.</p><p>We talked more about the band, then my friends, then the coolest people we'd met in our short careers. 'You inhaled that,' I gestured at Harry's empty glass. We both laughed, 'and there was half a bottle hidden in there, which I should've told you, oops!' 'Yeah yeah Swift, I see what you're getting at, a drunk minor is no funny business'.</p><p>I'd already opened another bottle when I fully registered what he said, damn, how is 18?</p><p>'Don't worry it's legal back home and I've been at it a few years.' I filled his glass anyway, 'wow I guess so, now I feel bad!' 'No don't worry about it! Touring and everything has made my mental age 30 or something anyway.' I got what he meant by that.</p><p>With Meredith Gray back on her bed, Harry moved the pillow from his lap and took the bottle from my hands, to place it onto the coffee table. We kept space between us in hesitation and after a moment he kissed my cheek respectfully, but for longer than I had in the studio.</p><p>'Interested in vinyl?' I said trying to pull myself from the pleasure of the simple kiss. He turned to face me and exaggerated an eye roll. The tension of that kiss had made me want to react the same way. 'Yes, that's exactly what we need,' he replied.</p><p>I held his hand and headed for the vinyl collection shelf I was so proud of.</p><p>After commenting on what felt like every third record, we chose Joni Mitchell's, Blue and headed back for the couch.</p><p>I sat next to him with my legs over his. 'This might be forever popular,' I said moving Harry's hair from his face. 'I'd love to write lyrics like her eventually, and like you,' he said in a way that was perfect. Even if I never saw him again, I knew I'd run those words in my head. Some people think I'm as good as Joni Mitchell.</p><p>I smiled with flushed cheeks and bit at the red stain that was surely forming on my lips. Harry took that as a chance to reach forward and kiss me again. He braced himself with the couch behind me and pulled my face in close to his. I wanted to savour every small progression we made but I also wanted to bring him into the depths of the couch with me, lacing my legs around him.</p><p>I pulled away from the heated moment to change the record to the B side. I almost felt light-headed as I opened my eyes and focused back on my apartment.</p><p>I flipped and put the needle to it. From the corner of my eye, I saw Harry down his glass and come towards me. Anticipating his touch, I felt shivers as he smoothed his hands around my waist and stomach. Moving my hair aside, he kissed my neck with California playing.</p><p>Meredith Gray stepped between my feet which was enough to make me unstable. We laughed as she darted under a chair, then we stumbled and swayed to the music like an old couple in a jazz bar.</p><p>I felt comfortable being drunk and a bit sleepy in front of him. As we hugged, I had my head on his shoulder and eyes shut. I wanted him here from now on and I pushed out the thought that knew that wouldn't happen.</p><p>'This ones my favourite,' I said, as River played. 'It makes you want to cry in Love Actually,' he replied, 'well when he gives her the CD for Christmas... when she's talking about it she makes me love it.'</p><p>'I know, it's such a beautiful song, but so sad... it reminds me of Christmas too,' I replied. 'Speaking of Christmas, we're going to be here for a lot of December... thoughts on a super delayed second date then?' He said sounding hopeful.</p><p>My heart raced through my chest and I hoped he couldn't feel it. 'Yeah that would be great, we could make some music here if you have time.' 'Hey, we can make for a lot of time if we want to.'</p><p>I rejected reasonable thoughts about how dramatic and romantic we were being after one night together. I also chose not to believe that tonight's feelings would fade within six months.</p><p>Instead, I let him lead our kisses before I showed him books and photos, we talked more about the year that had past and the one that was emerging for us. </p><p> </p><p>'That sun is harsh... I should get back before I get any calls,' he smiled sadly. I'll get you a car don't worry,' I said attempting to sound reassuring, but really I was beyond confused.</p><p>This was the first time we'd seen each other in natural light. I felt exposed but it was nice. We drank green tea before the car quickly arrived.</p><p>We made the driver wait as we ran down the stairs rather than risk someone seeing us in the elevator. We kissed in intervals on the staircase before he ran out into the car. 'December, don't worry! Text me!' Then he waved and he was gone.</p><p>I thought I was going to be tired and useless in the studio but I'd never felt that kind of energy before. I was energised thinking back onto what we'd done and said, and anxiety for the fact it was over and I didn't know what that meant. Was being so open for me going to get me in trouble? It was possible, but the way I felt might've made it worth it.</p><p>The happy chemicals dissipated from my body after a few days and better rest. But it kept coming back in flushes as December was decidedly going to be devoted to this second date.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. part four: begin again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>- Taylor's POV -</p><p>late august 2012</p><p>'I've got a letter from Harry by the way. He wrote it for you,' Ed said as he handed me an envelope with a hotel emblem on it. 'Well, that's a surprise.' It really was considering he hadn't been responding to me for weeks.</p><p>After we hung out here in New York, the late-night FaceTime calls and messaging eventually faded. It wasn't getting easier for Harry on tour, from what he was saying. He never asked for space specifically but I started to feel like I was bothering him. He seemed more tired and less eager to call unless I did first. Anyway, I decided I didn't want to be stuck double messaging someone I couldn't even see for half a year.</p><p>I honestly considered seeing him on tour too. He was still in the country, so it was possible. I'd even talked to Selena about it but she convinced me it was a bad idea. She said there's no point in being overly available for someone when you're not even getting a message back. 'If he wants to talk to you he will! And look, I'm sure when he's back in New York it'll be amazing.' Ouch. At least I had her to tell me the truth but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.</p><p>'I haven't heard much about how that night went from either of you, but it must've been memorable,' Ed said in an attempt to get a story out of me. 'It was a bit. Pretty surreal that it was just the one night'. 'Well, he mentioned hoping we'd all see each other again when he's back here in December,' 'I haven't thought about that in a while, but that'd be fun.' I said contemplating what dynamic the three of us together would have. </p><p>'Anyway, I'm going to grab those coffees now, did you want anything else?' I could tell the letter had sucked me into my head and made me quiet. Sometimes Ed senses my mood and what I need before I do.</p><p>'No, just the coffee's great,' I smiled at Ed as he left. My hands were trembling, with my pulse in my throat as I opened the letter. I wanted to read and stash it away between now and Ed's return. </p><p> </p><p>hey Swift,</p><p>I was thinking about you today when I was listening to Big Yellow Taxi. New York and Joni Mitchell always remind me of you now. Maybe we can cover it together in the studio when I'm back?</p><p>I'm sorry I haven't been replying to you much by the way, but I'm sure you can relate to how busy I am on tour. I'm hardly getting a minute alone! Tour dates are winding down soon though so expect more calls from me.</p><p>I don't know if you remember, but the other day when we hung out we talked a lot about our careers and how we constantly want to be evolving and not being held back by anyone else. Anyway, I got this paper plane necklace from a fan and when I was looking up the meaning of paper planes I noticed in Japan it's seen as a symbol of starting over and throwing yourself into the future. I've been wearing it ever since as a reminder.</p><p>Anyway, I've put it in this envelope as I hope you can tell. I'd love for you to wear it before you can return it to me in person.</p><p>Harry. x</p><p> </p><p>'Someone's happy!'</p><p>Ed was already back in the studio watching me smile at the silver chain like I was in awe. 'Ed, don't... okay, well yes, a bit,' suddenly I didn't mind how obviously happy I was. 'So you guys might date when you're back together I guess,' Ed said probing me again. 'Maybe... I was trying to avoid dating for a while but I'd forgotten about Harry. Everything with Connor this year was such a joke like I really lost my head.'</p><p>'You're just a 23-year-old going on dates, like everyone else. They want you to fall in love and want you to fail at it all at the same time, you can't win!' Ed said. He'd decided to distract from the moment by putting the necklace I was holding onto my neck.</p><p>'I know... it gets hard with everyone talking about it though. Everything with Connor got really weird, really fast too. I just don't think I'm judging people properly.'</p><p>'So, what really happened with Connor, if you don't mind talking about it?'</p><p> </p><p>——————</p><p>This Summer, I'd decided to take trips to new places and open myself up to dating someone new. I'd spent way too much time writing in the studio and creating fantasy's about Harry and I seeing each other again (imagine elaborate scenes in the snow at Central Park).  </p><p>I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to date someone at least a bit like Harry. I'd never dated someone my age, let alone younger than me. But he'd really shown me that those guys could be a million times more mature than men in their mid 30s.</p><p>So, I started dating Connor Kennedy in July. Like a real Kennedy, pretty much American royalty. I'd organised concert tickets for Rory Kennedy ever since January after she'd invited me to Ethel Kennedy's film premiere. She also gave me the chance to meet her, which meant the invite to their Fourth of July party wasn't anything too unexpected. After everything that happened that Summer, I think Ethel is the only Kennedy that still likes me.</p><p>I had been sweating in the city for weeks, so a weekend sailing in Massachusetts sounded like bliss. When I got there, I felt like I was in the National Anthem music video waiting on Lana Del Rey and ASAP.</p><p>Ethel's house was a classic, southern colonial style and by the water with everyone looking preppy in white and pale blue. I think I disguised well amongst everyone, considering my usual vintage look and a red lip.</p><p>The travel here was arranged for me, which exceeded the usual demands I had experienced with security. It really gave off the message that I didn't want to get ahead of myself and that I had to be careful to keep a place here. The wealth in it all meant my mom's warning was ringing in my head: don't earn a bad reputation amongst old money.</p><p>Rory had first introduced me to her younger relatives, with a clear emphasis on Patrick Schwarzenegger. We'd tried to talk for the first ten minutes on the boat, 'so are we going swimming?', 'no, we generally don't out here, just a sailing day.' God, I felt so embarrassed. I was the only one in a bikini top and I'd forgotten where I'd left the bag with my shirt in it. 'Would you want to go for a quick walk on the shore, before we head off?' He asked.</p><p>'Yeah, sure!' I said too eagerly. 'Okay cool, let's go up to the bridge and back.' Then when we'd gone further enough away, 'okay so, I'm not sure but I think Rory might be trying to set us up. She kind of hates who I'm seeing at the moment and seemed keen to change that, I could be wrong though!'</p><p>I assured Patrick that I understood what he meant, but I did feel let down. Not that I sensed a spark, but knowing now that I had to talk to new people for the rest of the day seemed like a challenge. And I was nowhere near home, so it wasn't like I could leave easily.</p><p>We were by the water for hours before returning to a champagne tower and fireworks back at the house. Patrick introduced me to his many relatives and didn't leave me stranded, thank God. I really began to enjoy it, Fourth of July with the Kennedys? I had to make a memory out of this.</p><p>I did feel relieved to sit down alone during the fireworks. 'I'm surprised at how long you lasted with them,' nodded Connor Kennedy behind me with a grin. I hadn't even noticed he was here, 'yeah, it's been a long day but really fun,' I replied, hoping I sounded genuine. 'It's been okay, I've had the luxury of tapping out to my room when I need to... anyway, I think it's really cool that you're here'. 'Thanks, well it's nice that we get to talk now,' 'I think so too'.</p><p>I felt so thankful that Connor and I had ended up speaking that night. He seemed more energised with me than he'd been all day. He showed me his dogs, then his favourite books in his room, which finally felt like a time I could relax. Rory found us upstairs, and I sensed her confusion as she ushered us out for dessert.</p><p>After the long weekend, I really wanted to give Connor a chance. I pretty much just acted on impulse when I decided to stay in Massachusetts. Any remaining Summer plans had been wiped from my mind from that moment.  I can't even talk too much about my experiences with his family. And thinking about it still feels so awkward and frustrating in retrospect.</p><p>I bought a house across the road from his grandmother's and it seemed like a great idea at the time. Connor seemed fine with it at the time, but I guess how else was he going to respond when I'd already talked to the agent? Thinking about it now, I can't believe it happened.</p><p>But I don't know, after weeks of constant time together at the beach, talks about trauma, everything, I had complete tunnel vision for him and thought that this was going to be it. Now I can't even believe how little I spoke to mom and dad, Selena or Ed during this time. Even Harry.</p><p>Connor ended it before Summer was over. I was too serious, too early. But here Harry is now, all romance and affection, and we'd only met once.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. part five: same mistakes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>- Harry's POV -</p><p>Tuesday 8:26 am</p><p>Are you around today? I've got the whole day off :)</p><p>Yesterday 9:33 pm</p><p>hey busy bee! How was the show tonight?</p><p>Today 1:57 am </p><p>Are you up? x</p><p> </p><p>'Damn, leaving her on read again!' Niall said from the seat behind me as I was closing my messages. We were in a car on the way to a radio show (early) and somehow he'd already found a way to be imposing. </p><p>'I'm going to think of something then get back to her... I'm just tired you know.' </p><p>'Well you weren't too tired with girls yesterday.' The look I gave Niall after that made him shut up at least. </p><p>He had a point. I've been getting with girls after the show just like everyone else, other than Zayn. But that's totally different to everything with Taylor. Especially since she asked me to spend New Years Eve with her, things haven't been so casual. </p><p>I decided to listen to Joni Mitchell through my headphones before Niall attempted another conversation. It was the first time I'd listened to River or A Case of You in a few weeks. </p><p>I was borderline addicted to listening to it in March. The dopamine would hit every time I'd imagine kissing her next to the record player. That feeling faded after the hundredth time though. I wish I'd just left the memory untouched so I could feel it the same way again now. </p><p>The screaming outside the car conflicted with Big Yellow Taxi, and not in an opposites attract, kind of way. I just wanted to live in that song and be in New York in the least crowded way possible. </p><p>We were beginning to slow down so I packed up my shit; the music was only encouraging me to feel worse anyway.  </p><p>'You ready?' I asked Niall, who seemed happy with the small effort from me.</p><p>'Yeah let's do it... dude, I can't believe how many of them are here this early!' Somehow Niall had never grown complacent with fame. </p><p>'Yeah, and the fact they camp out even earlier than this is beyond me,' I answered trying to match his level of gratitude. My words were true, but it didn't necessarily feel good to say it. </p><p>'Come through here guys!' </p><p>We followed unfamiliar security guards to the entrance and took sporadic photos with fans along the way. </p><p>A girl with pale skin, blue eyes and the most contrasting dark hair was looking at me expressionless, which sucked me out of my head and into the present. I could tell I was smiling, shocked at her. I expected her reaction to match mine, but she just kept my gaze, full confidence. I'd never seen someone so collected towards the front of the barricade. </p><p>'Good morning beautiful, did you want a photo?' I asked. </p><p>'Nah, I just wanted to meet you and give you this.' She said handing me a brown box in a ribbon. 'I know you're going to do great things Harry. I want to say a lot but please just look at it,' she said smiling now. </p><p>'Of course love,' I said reaching in to hug her whilst a crowd attempted to pull me in every direction away from her. 'I really appreciate it, hopefully I can see you tonight,' I said knowing I needed to. And like that I was in love again. How could anyone be that genuine and cool. </p><p>'What's your name?' I called back. 'Ava!'</p><p>Without a second thought, I'd gotten security to give Ava a backstage pass for the night's concert. The entire radio show I thought about what could've been in the box. I wanted each answer I made in the interview to match her authenticity and be just what she'd want to hear. </p><p>'This one yours then Harry?' Liam joked, gesturing at the box, 'must be special if you've hardly let it go'. </p><p>'Yeah this girl Ava, she was so beautiful... She was talking to me like I'd known her forever'. </p><p>'Fucking hell, Harry!' Louis said, making himself present out of no where. 'What?' I replied, taking the bait. 'You're always banging on about some bird like this, I mean that's just you I guess,' Louis replied looking frustrated. </p><p>'Pretty much! I guess I like women. You're straight... isn't that the whole point? To like women?'</p><p>'Yeah whatever, I know! You don't think I know that? I just think damn, how are you not exhausted'. </p><p>'Yeah fair enough, I just LOVE them I suppose'.</p><p>'You are meant to be the most charming one! Nah, sorry for biting your head off, mate. I'm just a bit tired with the interview bullshit, you know?' Louis said patting me on the back. I was tempted to call out the condescension but decided to leave it. </p><p>- backstage after the show - </p><p>'GIN! Gin.. definitely gin, Jesus Harry, the point of the game is to make it less obvious,' Louis said stirring everyone into laughter. </p><p>'It was water you numpty!' God, he was too easy to fool. </p><p>'And you were so sure too!' A blonde girl called out next to me. Since we'd started playing gin or water she'd gone from standing near the door to draping her legs over my lap. I think Liam had asked her back at sound check which made me want to distance myself from her. </p><p>I think he might've been a bit pissed off, from his lack of enthusiasm. Not that he had a reason to be. Regardless, I was glad there were two girls distracting him from our game. </p><p>'Anyway, I'm going to pee,' I said moving the girls legs off my lap. 'Grab me another can on your way back?' She said playing with my fingers as I walked away. </p><p>'Yeah sure,' I called to her.</p><p>The bathroom door miraculously sealed off any sound and I took the moment to consider what I wanted to do before getting back on the bus. </p><p>I could join Zayn and try to call someone before bed, but sleeping with the blonde girl was looking like a pretty good option too. </p><p>Meeting Ava this morning seemed like a distant experience now too. Maybe they'd given the pass to the wrong person. I wish she was here though, I wanted to open the present tonight, with her there. </p><p>I asked security near the exit whether they'd seen someone named Ava with dark hair and blue eyes. Without luck, I got them to find me a quiet place for a cigarette. I knew better than to smoke but tour had been the ideal environment to pick up the habit. </p><p>It was the only thing ostracising enough to validate a minute for myself (minus the bathroom and for a while, phone calls with Taylor). I'd half convinced myself that the fumes had to be good for me in some way. They don't do much, but there is a slight sense of reality. Or maybe that's just because I'm on a balcony with a great view of the city with no crowd in sight. </p><p>I made my way back to Louis' change room, through a concrete stairwell lit up with fluorescent lights. </p><p>I'd been taking my time but stopped when I heard a guy say, '... yeah he's gone off to the bus to call a girl probably,' </p><p>'like who? I think he was expecting me.' I think a woman replied. </p><p>'You wouldn't want to know! Haha. But probably his mum.' Okay, that was definitely Liam. </p><p>'Aw that's nice!' </p><p>'Yeah or it could've been a million other ladies to be honest, famous or not so famous, he's talking to a million of them, all the time!' </p><p>'Alright then Liam?!' I interjected. I wasn't too surprised to see he was with Ava. </p><p>'Not jealous are we mate?' God, I felt furious he'd cornered her like this. 'Were you on your way to find me for Ava then?'</p><p>'Yeah we were just having a good chat,' Liam replied looking equally as mad. </p><p>'Alright, well how about we look at that gift you got me then Ava?' </p><p>Ava's discomfort radiated between the both of us, 'yeah sure, that'd be unreal.'</p><p>'See you back there then Liam,' I said pulling Ava in, with my arm over her shoulder and hers around my waist. </p><p>'Yeah sick.. how about pick ONE next time mate,' Liam said as his last remark. </p><p>'Let's detour to my dressing room instead... and fuck, sorry he's an objectifying asshole, don't listen to him,' I said in an attempt to reassure Ava. </p><p>'Yeah I'm just a bit uncomfortable now,' </p><p>'Ava I'm so sorry!' </p><p>'It's okay! I guess you're all just guys at the end of the day.'</p><p>We were a bit quiet after that. I was surprised she rounded me in with Liam. </p><p>'Alright here it is,' back at the room I'd found the gift box on my jacket and sat down with her  on the couch. </p><p>As I pulled the ribbon she shifted the box towards her, 'I want to show you, if that's okay.' She took an envelope out and hid it underneath her leg. </p><p>'So, The Wind Up Bird Chronicle is Murakami, you haven't read it?' </p><p>'No, I haven't'. </p><p>'Okay good, and don't read Norwegian Wood please, the gender side is just not it... but anyway, it's like reading a dream. I think creatively you'll understand... I don't want to spoil it though but I've highlighted some things for you'. </p><p>She handed me the book and I flicked through it to find segments underlined, sticky notes inside and annotations on the border. 'Ava, thank you, that's so thoughtful.' </p><p>'No, of course, I'm lucky to even give it to you really... I would just really love to inspire you in some way, you know.'</p><p>She took a moment to retrieve a second thing from the box, </p><p>'and the paper plane necklace is another Japanese memento. I'm Japanese on my dad's side, by the way. Growing up, my dad would tell me some of the only toys him and his siblings made were from paper, and they were always the best ones. Paper planes are about being inventive but also a symbol for propelling yourself forward.'</p><p>She let the chain down onto my palm, 'you know the significance to me now, and I'll always have a matching one on my wrist,' she said dangling a smaller chain with the same paper plane on it. </p><p>'Ava, I love it,' I said putting on my neck. </p><p>'I'm glad, anyway I should go now, it's been a big day,' Ava said making her way to the door and waiting for me to show her out. </p><p>Security got her a cab and I realised I mightn't ever see her again.</p><p>For the rest of the night I couldn't sleep. Instead I was thinking about paper planes and throwing myself into inspiration. Fuck these distractions and spirals, I need to make some music and I need to speak to Taylor.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. part six: little things</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>X Factor USA, November 8, 2012</p><p>- Harry's POV -</p><p>'Well, that was a fucking disaster...' I'd said under my breath. I let myself fall backwards onto the sofa furthest from the door, which wasn't far from the boys. </p><p>'Not at all mate,' Zayn called out like I hadn't said anything with real meaning. An easy call for him to make, his vocals had been solid and he'd been positioned front and centre for Kiss You as a result. </p><p>I really wouldn't have been jealous if Simon hadn't made a point of moving me as close to the stage exit as possible. </p><p>'Zayn was always going to be in the middle, it just makes sense. He starts the song! Simon just wanted to work you up, so good job,' Louis said avoiding eye contact. </p><p>'It's not really fair to be complaining when half of us don't even get acknowledged by Simon,' Liam butted in with more fury. </p><p>'Sorry Liam, but being told my singing is SHIT and that I'd be put offstage if possible, doesn't exactly have me excited about tonight,' I said matching his tone. We'd all distanced ourselves across the room now, like we were in a Mexican stand off. </p><p>'Ugh. Okay. Wallow in your self pity. But just on that, I'd assume you haven't seen Simon's interview for Rolling Stone have you? Me and Niall read it before rehearsal, aye?' Liam said, trying to get Niall into the mix. Until now, he'd just hung back and observed like a concerned child. </p><p>'Um, yeah... it wasn't a great read. Nothing I hadn't heard, but from Simon it was a bit annoying, but I guess true... it's not Harry's fault for how it is,' Niall said. </p><p>'What did it say?' I asked, sitting up from the couch. </p><p>'I mean, it's not published yet, but he takes turns to describe all of us... he calls out Zayn's confidence issues,' </p><p>'Hey, shut up Niall!' Zayn said. </p><p>'I didn't write it!... But yeah, also he only talks about Louis' style and I'm just the likeable one. Then he has some good things to say about Liam and for the rest of the interview you're just labelled the perfect frontman. Which I guess we've talked about, but me and Liam were saying we'd hoped we'd grown out of this as a band with the new album.'</p><p>Shit, I wasn't expecting Niall to get all vulnerable but I was glad he did. </p><p>Simon was clearly trying to ignite some pressure in me to be a leader but I didn't want to succeed over these guys, or tell them how to be. I just want to do my best and get along with everyone, for now anyway. Simon was immature or just out of touch with us for thinking that X Factor One Direction was applicable anymore. </p><p>'Well, that's just not right... I'm going to talk to management now, before the show and make sure they don't publish that bull,' I said making my way to the door. </p><p>'Wait, I'll come!' Zayn said grabbing his jacket and trailing behind me. </p><p>'We don't have ages, alright Zayn?'</p><p>'Yep!'</p><p>'Harry wait! Just stop.' I was speed walking in hope that Zayn would've stayed behind. </p><p>'I just needed a minute dude, everyone hates me right now... I don't wanna be the frontman, I just want to do this, alright?' I guess I'd built up a confession. </p><p>'It's alright mate. And the fact you're going to fix the interview shows it, it's all good... now look you're going to need to trust me.'</p><p>'What?'</p><p>'I think Sarah's in this dressing room around the side, she wanted to talk to you there, she just messaged me. It's about what you're wearing tonight... I'll go find Matt and talk to him about the interview alright?' Zayn said. </p><p>Sarah was one of our stylists, but she hadn't come to me about wardrobe issues. Zayn's probably asked her to keep me calm, away from the boys until the show. </p><p>'I didn't get a text...'</p><p>'I did, alright, just trust me. It's that door just there, I'll get you later on my way back!' Zayn said running for a buggy since our management were working at another studio site.  </p><p>I opened the door to a room that was draped in navy blue, with a futon and leather couch in the same colour. </p><p>'Sarah?' </p><p> </p><p>- Taylor's POV -</p><p>'Do you think Union Jack pillows are a bit much?'</p><p>'No they sound cute! It's different to other flags, like it isn't weirdly patriotic, I swear.' Trust Selena to give me reassurance over the phone last minute. </p><p>I'd gotten a text from Zayn this week, asking me to surprise Harry backstage at X Factor. I was going to perform the next week since I'd smashed out recording Red and released it a few weeks ago. So, convincing the show's executors to give me an isolated dressing room wasn't too difficult. </p><p>The dressing rooms on set come decorated, unlike on tour. I'd lucked out in being able to request one in blue, like our favourite album. I'd brought the pillows and band posters of Jefferson Airplane and The Yardbirds before realising I might've gone overboard. </p><p>Selena had told me to never buy anything for a man I wasn't dating but was pretty nice about it over the phone considering. 'It's fine, I mean I personally wouldn't tell him I bought the decorations... just let it add to the vibe.'</p><p>'Yeah good point, I'll find it hard to lie if he asks though! Okay, I got to go, Zayn's texting me... I'll call you later tonight, love you!' I hung up and texted furiously. </p><p>Today 5:02pm</p><p>Okay ta, I saw your room on the way back from dress run. </p><p>He's in a bit of a mood by the way but I'll get him there. Been a stressful day, I'll be like 10 minutes </p><p>I tidied up the space to give my hands and mind some use. Okay, fruit, drinks, flowers, bag away... I guess I'd be a great assistant but is this weird for us? And what did Zayn say, he's stressed? This is starting to look more like an intervention than a second date. </p><p>No, you can make this work, once you see each other again it'll be fine, right? </p><p>I decided to sit on the leather couch with my back facing the door, to save me from looking startled at anyone walking in, especially Harry. </p><p>Damn there's the door. 'Sarah?' I turned around, trying my best to seem relaxed. </p><p>'No, it's me,' I smiled hopefully. </p><p>His eyes were like blue fire. Zayn had severely understated this mood. </p><p>The gaze melted as he realised it was me. I expected shock but he only looked at me with love. </p><p>'Sarah's in charge of wardrobe... by the way... what are you doing here, angel?' Harry said. </p><p>'Zayn asked me to surprise you this week,' I said standing up but keeping space between us. Please be okay with me being here, please. </p><p>'Thank God for that,' he whispered, tugging at my hand, to say he wanted me closer. He hugged me tight around the shoulders and let his weight fall onto me for a minute. </p><p>'You don't know how much I needed this,' he said in a muffled voice with his face in his elbow. </p><p>'Actually, Zayn did mention something...' </p><p>'Ugh. Do you mind sitting for a minute? I want to hash out what happened... or is that just a mood killer?'</p><p>'No, that's okay, let's talk about it.'</p><p>Harry went on to tell me about Simon at rehearsal and the pressure to be a leader. </p><p>'They would've appreciated what you'd done, or I guess what Zayn did in the end, by talking to management. They'll get the message though, through what you do more than with what you say... but I know it's stressful in the meantime. And with your voice... should we do some vocal stuff before you go on?' I said, hoping I hadn't sounded too parental, but it seemed like he still needed more encouragement.  </p><p>'That'd be nice.' </p><p>We did some regular vocal warm ups and he sung Kiss You and Little Things. </p><p>'Ed gave us that one, isn't it brilliant?'</p><p>'He's so good! It just makes sense that he gives you the ballads.' </p><p>'Right! I'd love to be in Ed's position one day. Writing music when it comes to me, not just on the tour bus,' Harry said, pulling my legs in over his lap. </p><p>'And like you! Damn, I've been talking about myself this whole time, sorry about that.'</p><p>'No, it's fine, I've just come into your space unannounced and everything.'</p><p>'And thank God you did... I've been thinking about you a lot lately,' he said pushing my hair off my shoulders. </p><p>'I really appreciated the letter,' I said, lacing my   fingers between Harry's. </p><p>'I see you liked the necklace too.' He traced the chain on my neck and stroked the paper plane between his thumb and forefinger. </p><p>'Oh yeah, and as you said in the note...' I unlatched the necklace and reached around his neck and traced the chain around to the front as he'd done for me.</p><p>We smiled looking into each other's eyes knowing we were a total cliche. He laughed and shook his head, 'thanks beautiful'. </p><p>He pulled my face in close and kissed me like he didn't want the chance of any space between us. He stroked his hands down my neck and chest before grabbing my waist and pushing me firmly onto the couch. </p><p>Pressing his hips onto mine, he kissed me from my neck to my chest, then back to my mouth. He alternated pressure, but never stopped. I pushed back laughing, which made him roll his eyes, pretending that he was offended. Like my withdrawal was a challenge, he kissed me with more intensity and stroked my legs lightly, from the outside to inside my thighs. </p><p>'Harry? You dirty dog! Haha, hey Taylor.' Zayn and Louis peered through the door and I could see l Niall and Liam attempted a look in behind them. </p><p>'Fuck, what? Is it time already?' Harry said, dragging himself up over the couch. </p><p>'You didn't think to check your phone hey! Come on man...'</p><p>'Nice to meet you Taylor!' They all sung out one after the other. 'I'll be back,' he said looking at me until the instant the door closed. </p><p>Then I just let myself savour in lying on the couch, while my body further flooded with adrenaline. I didn't mind just yet that the band had met me with smudged lipstick and knotted hair. </p><p>Harry Styles, you are honestly incredible. </p><p> </p><p>- Harry's POV - </p><p>I went straight for Taylor after Kiss You, 'That was great!' she said balancing out my high energy. </p><p>'I don't know if it was great but it was better! I'm going to need more of your vocal coaching babe.' Niall and Louis looked in shock at the babe comment. Fuck it, I'm happy. </p><p>I went in to hold her hand, 'maybe someone will see us?' She said into my ear. </p><p>'Yeah it's cool though, right? No one will back here anyway.'</p><p>'I suppose, yep...but maybe we could go back to the dressing room?' she suggested. I was debating whether she was unconvinced or shy. </p><p>'Sure,' I said pulling her in under my arm as Khloe Kardashian and Mario Lopez entered backstage from the audience. </p><p>'Let's not say hello,' Taylor said tugging towards the exit. </p><p>'Do we look rude?' I asked her with no reply, trying to suspect why she looked so distant.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. part seven: welcome to new york</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>/ New York, Nov 24th 2012 /</p><p>- Taylor's POV -</p><p>I've tried to read the same page of Jane Eyre three times now.</p><p>I'd fantasised about reading on this sheltered window seat since I'd chosen to rent this place. But knowing Harry's still sleeping downstairs has kept me distracted all morning.</p><p>I bookmarked the novel with my fingers and admired the mist outside the trine panel windows. Security and paparazzi were already stationed outside, so sitting at the edge of view felt like a reckless act for this time in the morning.</p><p>This was the first night Harry has stayed at my new place. I couldn't sleep in past 7 am despite us arranging the furniture like we were roleplaying 'happy families' all last night. Don't get me wrong though, this house is just for me. It's a beautiful carriage house in West Village for the meantime, whilst the penthouse is being renovated.</p><p>'Hey babe,' Harry said rustling his hair as he slowly made his way upstairs. I was guilty of making him sleep in one of the guest rooms, rather than with me. I hadn't even thought otherwise until he kind of looked shocked at the arrangement when I'd mentioned it yesterday. I move around so much when I sleep and I love my privacy. Plus that all sounded more official than we really are.</p><p>'Hey, how was your sleep?' I said rushing to hug him at the top of the staircase. Internally I was praying we weren't within view for the photographers outside.</p><p>'Yeah great, gorgeous,' he said relaxing into my body like he were about to fall asleep right there, all warm, with his face and lips pressing onto my neck.</p><p>'Let's make breakfast,' I said grabbing his hands and finally looking at him eye to eye.</p><p>'I'd love if we did ice skating in Central Park and the Zoo at some point... I'm still pretty new around here too, you know... and there's the ball drop too! There are so many cool things to do during a New York Winter,' I said, waiting for the pancake batter to bubble impatiently whilst Harry poured me a glass of water.</p><p>'Yeah of course. And what about tonight? Wasn't there that party?' Harry said watching me flip the first pancake.</p><p>'We could... it's a rooftop thing which will probably be pretty cool. I'm sure I'll just want to hang out with you and Ed, maybe Claire and Dianna if they're still around.'</p><p>'Were you thinking about having a house warming?'</p><p>'No, not officially anyway. I just want to have you guys around when I can,' I said as Harry put his arms around my waist and pulled my hair aside.</p><p>We spent the day listening to music in between calls from our respective management teams. Objectively, it felt pretty normal. I was imagining we were like two high-end freelancers working from home on a snow day. </p><p>And in amongst all that, I think I did a great job of us being avoided from being seen by anyone outside.</p><p>We were on the couch drinking coffee and all I wanted to do was cuddle him here all night. But with every twenty kisses I initiated, he initiated one back. Maybe I'm being a bit much? I mean, he hasn't even done anything more than rub my leg and hold my hand all day. I'm feeling touch starved at this point.</p><p>Today 6.33 pm<br/>Scott's throwing it! He's one of the producers at electric lady. You met him in May I think?? But yes, I'll send through the address later, can't wait to see you two :)</p><p>'So, Ed can send us the address later, if you still want to go to the party?'</p><p>'Yeah? Amazing! Let's do it, I'll get change,' he said already getting up. 'Whose place is it?'</p><p>'A guy from the studio. Some people from my management team should be there, plus Dianna, so it sounds good to me,' I said as he pulled me out of the comfort of a pile of fleece blankets. I resisted playfully, secretly hoping he'd fall back on the couch with me for another eight hours.</p><p>'I'm probably going to wear the usual, so I'm sure we'll match,' he said winking as he went off to the shower. Ugh, I wish he asked me to go with him.</p><p>- Harry's POV -</p><p>Back at Taylor's, Ed was on the cusp of a drunk coma and by default, I'd been assigned to look after him.</p><p>Though despite his condition, he had somehow gathered everyone into his guest room for a round of whose most likely to.</p><p>'Okay, who's most likely to cry on a night out? 3, 2, 1...' Everyone including myself pointed at Taylor, who was holding hands with Dianna like she had all night. It was too intimate to interrupt. And don't get me wrong, I love that they're such good friends but it left me confused. 'Okay guys, damn. Roasted, I get it, I'm the soppy one!' She said happily enough, whilst we laughed at our synchronicity. 'Maybe I'll cry tonight, the night's not ever yet.'</p><p>'I'm right behind you there Tay!' Ed said with his eye shut, on the verge of sleep. 'Let's capitalise on being sad a little while longer love,' Ed said laughing and reaching for a high five from Taylor.</p><p>'As long as there's plenty of happy times in between,' she said reaching in for his hand. I tried to catch her eye but I had a feeling she was avoiding me.</p><p>'Alright, my turn!' Ashley, Taylor's stylist, called out. Until now she'd seemed pretty oblivious to the game, texting someone that should've been at the party. Well, trying to at least since she was correcting just about every word she wrote.</p><p>'Whose most likely to cheat on someone?'</p><p>'Ashley, what the hell, Ricky probably didn't-' Claire interrupted. 'NoOo, I'm just curious, ready three, two-' Ashley continued.</p><p>'Ashley you can't ask that!' Claire interrupted, 'you don't need to answer that one, guys.'</p><p>'Well, we all know it'd be Harry anyway,' Ashley said. Fuck, really? 'Harry, don't listen to her,' the pity on Claire's face only made it feel worse though.</p><p>'No, don't worry, I get it... I hope I don't actually come across like that in person though.' Ashley laughed to herself, 'I'm just kidding, Harry, sorry! Just checking on you for Taylor's sake you see.' Everyone seemed shocked and Claire's face faded into concern. Should I have gone along with it like it was a joke? 'Just saying, you can't always trust them,' she replied, 'but I do like you Harry, you're just a bit too perfect you know.' </p><p>'Too far with all that, Claire,' Dianna said rolling her eyes. 'Yeah, my bad!' Ashley called out going back to texting. I tried to meet Taylor's eye again but apparently, she didn't feel the need to comment on the situation.</p><p>'Games are meant to be fun... okay, what about, whose most likely to hook up tonight?' Dianna asked. I suppose I'd underestimated her.</p><p>'Wow, that's a hard one,' Ed said sarcastically, which made everything light again. </p><p>'I'm going for a cigarette,' I announced after too many exposing rounds of the game. 'I'll come,' Taylor said detaching from Dianna for the first time in hours.</p><p>She held my hand as soon as we left the room. 'Let's go on the rooftop, seems like the weather's improved.' Somehow I'd avoided this balcony level all day. It was beautiful. One wall was completely covered by books and there was a grand piano I was dying to play.</p><p>A hidden staircase led to a glass entranceway to outside. There were apartment buildings overseeing the house in every direction. Every lit up window intrigued me, 'don't trip,' Taylor said breaking me from my drunk stumble. She found the switchboard and the roof lit up with warm lights from miniature lanterns. She also set up a few candles and an ashtray on the coffee table, since nothing's ever forgotten with her.</p><p>I lit up closer to the door. God, her legs were so long, particularly in that short plaid dress with only her coat over it. I've got to kiss her.</p><p>She kept staring like she was challenging me to come forward, and I felt no need to resist so I got closer to her. I reached for the back of her head and kissed her hard. I recognised it as the kind of kisses that generally lead to something further. Maybe we'll finally have sex tonight?</p><p>That was my thought, at least until she pushed my chest away from her. 'Finally giving me attention hey?' she said playfully, cocking her head like she wanted me to retaliate. Surely she's kidding? I've been trying to get a moment with her all night.</p><p>'You're joking, right? You've been the one holding hands with Glee girl all night.' I wanted to match her act of nonchalance but I only came across as jealous. Fuck, I feel a fight coming on.</p><p>'I was just messing around, Harry... Dianna didn't know anyone there and she gets shy when it's all music people there asking her about the show, and-'</p><p>'Okay, it's cool,' I went in to kiss her again in the hopes of getting over it but she turned her face away, deflecting me in disgust.</p><p>'You know it was more fun for me to be hanging around her, anyway,'</p><p>'Jesus, Taylor, that's just mean,'</p><p>'All I wanted was to be with you tonight but you kept talking with EVERY girl there and letting them flirt with you... Nicole Scherzinger was all over you for an hour and neither of you barely acknowledged me. So yep, I left. You know I could hang around people in the exact same way but I don't want to.'</p><p>I practically ate the rest of the cigarette whilst Taylor was lecturing me.</p><p>'After you left, I didn't feel like I had any other choice, plus I was excited to meet everyone okay, doesn't mean I'm going to disrespect you and go home with a Pussycat Doll out of spite!'</p><p>'I mean I'd hope not... sorry I just don't know what to expect from you right now... and I didn't want to make you feel abandoned either.' Taylor was tearing up already, I guess the game was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I held her arms and warmed them in mine before I pulled her into me and wrapped her hands around my body within my coat. I held her tight over her shoulders. Please don't push me away again.</p><p>'I'm really enjoying the time we've been spending together Taylor. I think we're both confused, everything's been happening so slowly but now all at once,'</p><p>'I know... and there's no pressure for you to stay, you can do whatever you want with your time off, just let me know and be honest about it,' she said, easing her resistance from me and sinking into my coat further.</p><p>'We're fine Taylor, honestly. Our expectations are just out of control if we both feel abandoned after one night,'</p><p>'What are your expectations then?'</p><p>The question threw me and I hoped she couldn't feel my pulse accelerating like my whole body had a heartbeat.</p><p>'Our lifestyles are insane but I really think I love you, Tay... like we've understood each other more than anyone else this year, so may as well follow the feeling, you know?' Maybe love was too strong a word, but it came out without me even thinking.</p><p>'You can't bring up love so unsure like Harry. And we're not even dating yet. This is all happening in completely the wrong order.' She said, exacerbated by my attempt at something meaningful.</p><p>'There's no designed order, Taylor,' I said dryly, shaking my head. I loosened my hold on her and sat back at the coffee table, lighting another cigarette.</p><p>'I don't know what feelings you want me to fulfil for you right now but I'm doing the best and most authentic thing I can.' She sat on my lap as I took my first drag and kissed my cheek.</p><p>'I'm sorry.' She said closing her eyes and resting on my shoulder. We sat in the same position until I finished my smoke.</p><p>'I'll stop bottling up what I'm thinking,' she said calmly with her eyes still shut, embodying the angel side of herself.</p><p>'You're beautiful,' I said kissing her slowly, 'and I'll be more clear with what I want... starting now actually.' Taylor opened her eyes like she expected my appearance to change.</p><p>'Let's be exclusive, and just tell friends we're official and avoid all the drama,' I said. Her kisses after nearly knocked me off my chair.</p><p>'Not just because of tonight? What about the media and everything?'</p><p>'Of course not. And what do you think's already happening? I've decided to stay with you during my time off. That says everything about how I feel about you.' I said hugging her in and somehow balancing on the steel wired chair. As I looked up, the number of apartment windows surrounding us seemed to have doubled from what I'd originally seen, and I felt that fear of heights kind of sickness in my stomach.</p><p>'Let's head back inside love, it's getting colder.'</p><p>'The pool and the spas on. Let's warm up a bit before bed, what do you think?' She said.</p><p>We undressed to our underwear, avoiding swimwear out of laziness. I would've gone naked without an ask if there wasn't a chance of Ed or the girls coming in and seeing me.</p><p>Taylor swam a lap whilst I lent against the ledge, defrosting. On her second lap back I caught her under the water and lifted her up in towards me.</p><p>'Harry!' She called out laughing before I threw her up in the air and caught her again.</p><p>'Alright stop, or I'll spew on you,' she said teasingly. 'Please do,' I said kissing her water-soaked face. Her mouth tasted like chlorine, which I didn't mind. Suddenly she was the one pushing me under the water before meeting me there and kissing me. After coming back up to breathe, she latched her arms around my neck, not letting me get away without kissing me more. She used her tongue more than she had before and bit my bottom lip hard.</p><p>I stroked from her chest down to her thighs and pulled her legs up around my hips. I leaned her back against the ledge. I ran my fingers up her neck then traced her décolletage, slipping my fingers into her bra. I let my fingertips trace her nipples, then I felt her hips press into mine as she arched her back in reaction to it. I pulled at them as I kissed her neck and I felt hard, which made me press her further into the ledge, grinding on her hips slightly.</p><p>'Would you wanna go somewhere?' I whispered impulsively. 'I'd die to fuck you in the shower... sorry, we don't have to though, only if you want to.'</p><p>Tay looked away for a moment, 'okay yes! As long as you stay in my room tonight.'</p><p>'I've been dying for you to ask that,' I replied, lacing my hands into hers. 'Okay come,' she said pulling me towards the steps, just as Ashley and Claire came out.</p><p>'You guys got in without us!'<br/>'What! I'll get one of your bikinis, Tay, if that's okay with you. ED THEY GOT IN!' Claire yelled, which radiated throughout the low ceiling room.</p><p>Ashley threw her dress off over her head and nearly ran in before remembering her shoes. 'Hope you guys don't mind. Dianna, bring another bottle, would you?!'</p><p>'Dianna's dead to the world!' Ed said with a fresh bottle of Grey Goose, four glasses and a bottle of orange juice under his arms.</p><p>'You never stop do you?' I asked him, gladly taking the glasses out of his hands.</p><p>'Never mate!' Ed replied swinging his legs over the pool. 'So how have you lovebirds been managing without me? Confessing your love for each other yet?'</p>
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